


If At First You Don't Succeed

by GashouseGables



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternative Universe - All Human, Angst, Cardio Surgeon!Edward, Drama, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Marital Problems, Marriage, Park Ranger!Jacob, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GashouseGables/pseuds/GashouseGables
Summary: ... Try, try again? Or quit while you're ahead? Edward and Jacob have been married for what seems like forever ... and the cracks are starting to show. Edward is a workaholic missing the signs, and Jacob is getting tired. Is their love meant to last?





	If At First You Don't Succeed

Edward didn’t really think about much in his life that wasn’t work. Well, he thought about plenty of things, but they weren’t extremely pressing. Not like, huge global world issues; he was much too selfish. The biggest things on his mind now were how he was thirty-three, and still had the same four friends that he did in college. Plus one of them was his own sister so only dubiously counted. He even still had his college sweetheart, which sat much better with him than anything else.

Edward smiled as he thumbed over the silver ring on his finger. Jake had the same style, in gold. Edward had wanted to get him the biggest diamond engagement ring, something that would have eaten through his entire savings. Six years ago, back when he was still a lowly intern. But before he knew it, Jake was whispering a proposal into his ear and presenting him a beaded bracelet Jacob’s deceased mother had worn on her wedding day.

Edward was proud to be Dr & Mr Cullen-Black. At work, of course, he was only Dr Mason, using his birth father’s name, instead of his father’s. He had to work twice as hard to prove he wasn’t coasting by as Dr Cullen’s son, after all. He even made it a point to choose cardio to specialise in, instead of neurosurgery.

His phone started buzzing, shaking him from his thoughts. It was his brother-in-law. Humming, he thumbed over the screen to answer. “Hey, do you think it’s weird that we’re still friends?” He asked into the phone, instead of saying hello.

But Jasper knew Edward well enough by now. He  _was_  one of the friends since high school. “Elaborate.” The man replied.

“Things haven’t changed much since university.” Edward admitted. He was still working his ass off, he still had Jake.

“Untrue.” Jasper told him, sounding bored. “You’re a doctor, I’m getting rejected by publishers, Rose cut her hair.” He listed it off lazily.

Edward snorted. “Well you know what I mean.”

“Well you  _did_  get married.”

“As did you.” Edward acknowledged with a smile, “Oh, before I forget, I don’t know if I can make Friday night dinner, so tell Jake to bring me some leftovers.” He told him. It was Wednesday, but his surgeries were all late at night, and he knew Jacob’s hours meant he’d be asleep early. Jasper was the unemployed writer, he had much more free time.

“Tell him yourself.” Jasper tone was rigid and irritated, as though one favor for Edward was too much to ask. Edward clicked his tongue at the man’s attitude. Jasper always did like to hassle him.

“Don’t be difficult, I have to go.” Edward replied, and hung up before Jasper could answer, which was very satisfying.

But Edward was out of his funk now. His life  _had_  changed since college. He was a surgeon; one of the best. He had a nice house, a few nice cars. Jacob loved his job as a park ranger, but it was Edward’s income that had them living so comfortably. It made him proud, that he could provide Jacob with all they had.

But his lunch was over, and he had a heart valve waiting for a transplant in the OR.

On his way, his phone started buzzing again. Jake’s name flashed onscreen, and Edward smiled at it. But in the end, he declined the call, knowing having a chat with his husband would put him in too soft a mood for the surgery. He needed his interns slightly terrified of him, to instil respect, not laughing behind his back as he gushed to his gorgeous husband.

But he took a few deep breaths, and felt his mind slip into cardiothoracic-mode. And he stayed that way into he drove himself home at midnight, and stepped inside.

He climbs the stairs and heads to the bedroom. But the bed is empty, and, too tired to be really curious, Edward peeks into the entertainment room. It was the only room on the second floor with a couch, that wasn’t Edward’s home office. Luckily, Jake was dead to the world in front of the muted television, because Edward was not about to go all the way back downstairs to check the living room in his brain-dead state.

Edward allows himself a smile, and trots over to throw a blanket over Jake, and kiss his forehead. Deed done, Edward goes to their actual bed to pass out until morning.

Thursday passes in a similar way; but at lunch, Jake texts him.

_Jazz said you couldn’t make it tmrw?_

Edward frowns fondly at the screen. His puppy-dog was going to pout.

_Sorry baby, order me the lava-cake to go!_

Edward was about to put his phone back in his pocket, when it buzzes shortly again.

_I’ll order the cake if you can make it to dessert?_

The wheedling kind of annoys him; Jake knows he’s in doctor-mode when he’s working; and he knows Edward’s normal work hours. He was just typing a negative to the question, also tacking on a reminder that he needed to work to pay for such a nice dinner for his husband, sister and brother-in-law to enjoy, when Jake calls him instead.

Stamping down his irritation, Edward answers.

“Hey baby,” Edward says patiently.

There’s the puttering of the park buggy in the background, like Jake was on his rounds. “You  _need_  to make it to dessert, at the very least.” Jake’s voice was firm.

“I can have dessert after you bring it home, as a job well done after work.” Edward suggested instead, still trying to find a compromise. A very good case had come up, and Edward was going to muscle his way onto it.

“Edward, I miss you, please make it to the very end of dinner,” Jacob’s voice was a little quiet, and Edward felt a tug at his heartstrings.

“Honey, it’s not going to be much point to show up at the very end,” Edward counters gently, “I’m sorry, I have to work.” He soothed. He was doing some light research while eating and talking to Jake, after all.

“I miss you, you’ve been busy lately.”

“Don’t pout,” Edward chided him teasingly, “if I rush, maybe I can stop in for coffee, and head back to work after, how about that?” He asks.

“No, I don’t want you to hurry.” Jacob answered, his voice still quiet. Edward was just grateful he understood, like always. “Just remember to eat dinner for yourself. I’ll get you the lava cake.”

“You’re perfect.” Edward sighed, kissing into the phone. “I have to go, I’m looking forward to the cake.”

“I love you,”

“You too.” Edward says, slightly distracted as he was already nodding when he spots Jane raising a hand to call him over when he was hanging up.

 

Edward was so busy with paperwork when he got home, he ended up falling asleep on the couch in his home office. It was a good couch; Edward had anticipated needing something comfortable when he’d gotten it a few months ago. It just made sense, with his job. Jake had complained about a good couch not being in the living room, so Edward had just bought another, larger couch for that room, to appease him.

When he wakes up it’s, confoundingly, the next morning. There’s a post-it note stuck to his folders.

_Better remember ur havin cake tonite_

Edward smiles at the note, and sticks it onto the bookcase next to his couch. He had a good man.

 

He actually forgot all about the cake until late that night, when nurse Swan waved him over to the desk.

“You’ve got someone waiting in your office.” She told him brightly. Bella Swan was what he called his ‘work-wife’; she knew how to anticipate what he needed. She was also the best at keeping Jake entertained if he came around, and Edward was glad they got along so well.

So while he knew she wasn’t his secretary, he still asked if they’d made an appointment.

Bella just laughs. “ _No_ , your husband didn’t make an appointment.” She says lightly.

Slightly off-kilter, Edward thanks her and heads to his office. Jake usually texted him when he was heading in to visit him at work. But Edward double-checked his phone and, no, no messages. Except one from his sister sending him angry faces at ditching them at dinner, even though he’d already told her he couldn’t make it.

He walks in, and sees Jake leaning over his desk.

“Hello handsome,” Edward says, smiling as Jake turns to look at him. His eyes are shiny, and lips were red. Edward could tell he must have been liberal at dinner. “Had a few, did you?” He asks lightly. But he didn’t like that Jake had shown up at his work a little tipsy. It wouldn’t look good if anyone found out, this was Edward’s workplace.

Jake can seem to catch his tone, because he looks a little annoyed as he shrugged. “I guess.” He replies shortly.

Edward forces himself not to frown as he walks up and gives Jake a peck on the cheek. That’s when he spots the small white box on his desk. “What’s this?” He asks.

“Your cake.” Jake replied gruffly. “Surprise.” He added quietly.

Edward could have melted into a puddle, his earlier irritation swept aside. He picked up the box and took a deep inhale.  _Delicious_.

“Thank you, honey.” Edward told him, pressing another kiss to his cheek.

But Jake didn’t look very happy. “You forgot.” He says.

Edward pouts at his displeasure, and kiss his cheek again. “Just makes it even more surprising.” He argues lightly, picking up his cake with one hand and squeezing Jake’s shoulder with the other.

Jake shrugs a little, but much lighter this time, and reaches down to squeeze Edward’s thigh in return. “I had another surprise for you.” He said with a cheeky wink.

Edward tuts, gently pulling Jake’s hand away. “Oh, I think you’ve had too much; they’ll notice me walking funny after you leave.” He says, a little sternly. Work sex wasn’t new to either of them, but he wasn’t some no-name intern now; he had to set an example.

Jake rolls his eyes. “Calm down, I just meant a blow.” Jake grouches.

Edward could tell his husband was getting a bit fussy. “So tempting, really.” Edward cooes exaggeratedly, “But I can’t, I’m busy.” He adds. He hadn’t anticipated for Jake’s arrival, after all, he still had a schedule to keep.

“Well,” Jake pulls out a plastic fork and puts it on top of the box, “then eat up.”

Edward puts both down onto his desk again. “I’ll save it for later, when I can find time to enjoy it.” He tells the man, stroking his cheek. “You’re okay getting home on your own?” He asks when he notices how warm Jake’s cheek was.

Jake nodded, stepping back and glancing away. “Yeah, yeah, Alice dropped me.” He informed him. Edward could tell he was disappointed. “… Do you want me to take it home?” Jake offers, gesturing to the cake.

To appease him, Edward lays a hand over the box firmly. “ _No_ , I’ll have it tonight,” Edward informs him, and circles a hand around Jake’s wrist and tugs just so, “and then when I get home, you’ll have something else.” He adds softly.

Jake looks very hopeful, like a sweet puppy. “Promise?” He asks eagerly, stepping closer and grabbing Edward in a tight hug.

Edward chuckles and dodges the kiss Jake tried to give him. “If you’re good and go home.” He says, stepping out of his hold and giving the man a push, to better keep them apart.

Jake leaves after throwing him a little smile, and Edward sighs when he’s gone. That could have been very distracting. He shakes his head, though, and steps out of his office. He needed to prep for surgery.

 

He gets home late, and absolutely exhausted. But the bedroom light is still on, and Jake was awake, messing around on his phone.

He looks up, grinning as Edward enters. “Hey baby,” Jake said, putting his phone away.

Edward offers him a tired smile and sits down to take off his shoes. “Can you turn the light out, honey? I have to sleep.” He tells him softly.

Jake looks a little surprised, but shrugs. “… Sure, then you can make good on that promise of yours.” He added, crawling over to Edward and giving him a quick kiss. “You had your cake, so I get something else.” He reminded him, voice teasing and excited.

Edward feels his heart sink. He’d left the cake, uneaten, at work. “Oh, I forgot the cake.” He said quietly.

Jake’s face falls. “… It won’t be good tomorrow, when you’re at work again.” He mutters.

Edward rubs his arm, “Well, it’s not like I can’t buy another.” He jokes lightly, hoping to cheer him up. Because Edward worked hard, he could afford to let a rather pricy dessert go to waste. No harm, no foul, really. Regardless, he’d gotten the surprise of his husband at work, so it wasn’t a complete waste.

Nodding, Jake’s hand slides up and down Edward’s arm, suggestively. Glancing up at him through his lashes, Jake licks his lips just a little. “I’m so tired, sweetheart,” Edward begins to beg off. He honestly wasn’t in the mood. He’d lost the last patient on his table, and he had to get up early tomorrow.

“But I came home like a good boy.” Jake pouts, his eyes fluttering.

Edward frowns. “I really just planned on showering and passing out.” He explained gently, but in his exhausted state, Jake’s persistence was rubbing him the wrong way.

Jake perks up again. “Well, I’ll join you in the shower.” He offers, and this time he reaches down and gropes Edward’s crotch.

Edward slaps his hand away, very irritated that Jake touched him when he was so clearly not interested. “ _Please_ , Jake!” He snaps.

There’s an awkward pause, as Jake retreats slightly, eyes wide and hurt. “… Sorry.” He says quietly.

Edward feels terrible, because Jake does look upset, and leans over to peck his lips. “Get some sleep. You have work tomorrow.” He suggests quietly. They’d both feel better after a good night’s sleep. Maybe Edward should cook him breakfast, to say sorry.

But Jake just looks at him strangely as he stands up to go to the bathroom. “No I don’t, it’s my weekly day off.” Jake tells him, his voice almost sounding accusing.

Edward blinks, and then shrugs it off, knowing he was still upset. “Oh, right, well, then we can cuddle after I shower.” He offers softly. An olive branch, of sorts, as he hadn’t meant to snap, and he knew Jake was probably sad Edward didn’t eat the cake.

Jake, though, smiles a little dejectedly. “I don’t think I can cuddle right now ….” Jake admits, gesturing down to his own crotch. “I’ll get too excited.” He mutters.

Edward laughs lightly, and shakes his head. This man of his. “Like a teenager,” Edward tells him, feeling a rush of affection all the way to the tips of his fingers, “okay, well then, no cuddling for you, mister.” He says, and after his shower, Jake is already sleeping. Edward strokes a palm down his husband’s broad back, as Jake slept facing away from him tonight.

 

The next few weeks are tense between them; Jake was obviously still upset over the cake and the rejection. Edward knows he’ll need to fix it, so that Thursday, he schedules for the Saturday afternoon off.

_Pizza and beer this Saturday, babe. Just you and me._

He texts Jake, and gets a string of hearts in reply. Pleased, he ends up working a little later that night, and Friday, to make up for it. It means he gets home when Jake was asleep, and leaves before he wakes, but it’s worth it.

But Saturday, as promised, he ends up pulling up to the house at the exact same time Jake turns off his motorbike.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Edward calls to him, smiling as he holds up the six-pack and three pizzas.

Jake looks immensely relieved, and nods eagerly. “Thank god,” he sighs.

They walk into the house, and in no time at all, they’re in sweatpants and lounging in front of the television.

Edward feels at ease, relaxed. It’s easy too, Jacob always had that effect on him. He knows his husband was disappointed about the cake incident, but hearing him chatter about his day, and scoff and growl over the baseball game they were watching …. Edward was glad he was able to bounce back.

The game drones on, but Edward was nearly asleep as Jacob’s voice quietens slightly. But he’s still talking, the low murmur of his voice like the perfect lullaby. In his husband’s presence, Edward can decompress, and it strikes him how much he needed this. Spending time with Jake now makes him remember how long it’s been.

“… trying to make us work.” Jake murmurs. Edward nods sleepily, the words not registering, before Jake grasps his shoulder. “Edward? Are you listening?” Jake’s voice was a little harder now, and Edward blinks himself back awake.

Jake is frowning at him. Placating, Edward leans over and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you,” Edward says softly, “but, speaking of work, there’s a few papers I need to read over.” He adds, getting up from the couch and groaning slightly as pin-and-needles hit his legs.

Jake had crossed his arms and looks blankly at the television. “You didn’t hear what I said, did you?” He asks quietly.

Edward tuts at his own inattentiveness, and sits back down quickly. “Sorry, hun, I’m all over the place tonight.” He admits, slipping his arms around Jake’s tense shoulders and squeezing a little. “I’m listening now.” He added.

Jake glances over at him, and his gaze seems a little off. “Thanks for coming home early today.” Jake told him, “I know you’re busy.”

Edward smiles, and leans over to kiss his cheek. “Of course, was that all?” Edward asks, and excuses himself to his study when Jake nods. He felt invigorated after the sleepy couch-cuddle, and perfectly ready to lose the rest of the day and most of the night to researching.

 

Then Jake cuts his arm almost completely open the next week. One of his interns tells him, and he rushes to his husband immediately, only making a detour to demand Bella come with him.

Jake sitting, arm stretched out and surrounded by wet red cotton balls.

“I’ll only have Nurse Swan do his stitches,” Edward informs the intern already standing there, and shoos them away before they could say anything else. “Like I would trust anyone else.” He mutters, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly to Bella, who giggles. He takes Jake’s uninjured hand very loosely, because he knew if he let himself, he might just break every bone in Jake’s hand with his grip.

Honestly, Edward was almost trembling with fear. It was quite a long, deep cut, and he couldn’t look at anything else, but watch like a hawk as Bella starts to work. He knows he’s hovering over her; but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to make sure she was taking perfect care of his man.

“What happened?” Edward asked, only sparing Jake’s face a glance. If he looked at him too long, he might actually cry. He  _loathed_  the idea of his love being harmed, and he felt disjointed and panicked seeing the blood. Despite the fact that he was a doctor. Because right now he wasn't a doctor; he was a man who was watching his love getting stitched back together.

“It was nothing, just a dumb mistake at work.” Jake said softly. Edward hisses in a breath through his teeth. This was the most serious injury Jake had gotten, at work. Once, back when they were dating, they went hiking and Jake almost snapped his ankle. Edward had curled his entire body around Jake’s torso in the ambulance and demanded his father fix Jacob himself.

He uses Edward’s hold on his hand to tug him. “Look at me.” Jake says, but Edward knows if he did, he’d ruin Bella’s work by physically climbing into Jake’s lap. So he lifts Jake’s knuckles to his mouth and kisses them quickly, his residual fear making him jumpy.

“Edward,” Jake says again, and this time Bella glances up at him, her gaze slightly confused.

“Focus.” Edward tells her, his voice dangerously soft. “I will absolutely work-divorce you if you mess up right now.” He adds, trying to force himself to lighten the mood and calm down. Bella gives him a small smile, and mouths ‘ _shut up_ ’ at him, before her eyes dropped back down to Jake’s arm.

Edward glances up when he hears Jake scoff, but Jake’s head was turned away. Edward knew Jake always avoided skinning with his cousin because he couldn’t stand disembowelling a deer, so he knew Jake probably just didn’t want to see his own blood.

“All done!” Bella declares, snapping off her gloves and sighing, no doubt relieved Edward didn’t have any more reason to bore a hole into the side of her skull. Edward’s heart unclenches in his chest, bringing to his attention how very tightly wound he was until she said that. “Jake, you’ll need to stay at the desk at least a week and a half.” She tells him. Edward glances at the cut; quite deep, but Jake always did heal preternaturally well. But he couldn’t be doing any strenuous ranger work until then.

“Boss said I traumatised the kids with the blood splatter.” Jake grouched, and shrugs at Bella’s raised eyebrow. “There was an elementary school excursion. Sam doesn’t want me back until it’s fixed, use up my vacation days.” Jake explained, almost whining now.

Bella laughs and excuses herself to get his paperwork.

Edward meets Jake’s gaze for the first time, and shivers at how intense his chocolate brown eyes were. “How long can you take off?” Jake asks him quietly.

“What do you mean?” Edward asks, frowning. He had planned on sending him a text when he got home, after all, Jake was on the mend now.

Jake glances down at his arm. “You don’t want to help me?” He asks. Edward frowns, finding the question stung quite a bit. “I want you around.” He added. Jake seems vulnerable now, sitting with his shoulders slumped, even though he was taller and broader than Edward.

Edward feels guilty, immediately, realising only now that Jake had expected him to want to spend time with him. It was a little odd, after all. Stitches weren’t life-threatening, but it wasn’t unreasonable. “... Then I’ll be around, darling.” Edward says quietly. And he never says ‘darling’ but there was a look in Jake’s eye that made him compelled to compensate.

Bella comes back with the papers, and Edward takes them to fill out. She brightly asks how long Edward was thinking of having off, and Edward entertained the idea that she might be a mind-reader.

“Um, maybe four days off?” He suggested, stabbing in the dark. Bella nods, considering, and Edward glances at Jake, his gaze was much harder. “I’ll arrange it, starting tomorrow.” Edward promises him quickly.

Bella sighs, and snaps; “And who’s going to drive him home, Edward?”

Edward feels the blood rush from his face at her obvious disapproval.  _Of course_ , Jake couldn’t very well drive himself one-handed. The cut went over his inner-elbow, which was going to impede his ability to bend it.  “I’ll go and speak with Aro now.” He says quickly, turning and almost jogging out of the room.

Edward tracks down Aro, explains the situation, and Aro ends up offering to let him off for the entirety of Jake’s recovery. But Edward declines, knowing by the end he’d be out of his mind to start working.

He comes back to find Jake alone, just lowering his phone from his ear.

“Just told dad.” Jake explains, holding up the phone slightly.

“Good, I hope he wasn’t too worried.” Edward tells him. He goes to Jake’s side and drops a kiss onto his forehead. “We should head home straight after I get my papers.” Edward suggests, and Jake quietly agrees. They make it to the parking lot, and Edward leaves Jake in the car as he ducks back to collect a few open cases he needed to review.

Jake had his eyes closed as Edward climbs in, head resting back against the seat. Edward doesn’t want to disturb him, and they drive home in silence.

But the silence seems wrong, and leaving work this early seems wrong.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Edward says quietly. “I was really worried.” He added. When he gets no reply, Edward looks over at Jake, who had opened his eyes, and was staring at him. Jake’s gaze was steady and sightly confused.

“What’s wrong?” Edward asks him.

“I hope work doesn’t miss you too much.” Jacob says, his tone almost cautious. Like he thinks he’s overstepped.

Edward just shrugs. “They’ll survive, just barely.” He says. He’d probably end up missing work more than the other way around. “I need to be with you, until you’re all better, after all.” Edward added.

“You mean it?” Jake asks, and there’s this hopeful look in his eyes again, like he didn’t believe Edward at all.

It confuses him, but Edward was quick to assure him; “Course, baby.”

 

Edward was confident at the time that, for his husband’s sake, he could rest at home and spend time together. But he found that wasn’t really the case. The first day, most of the day Jake was on Skype with his sisters, assuring them he was okay. Edward didn’t intrude on his family time; mostly because Jake’s sisters enjoyed giving him a hard time. Edward had never really spent any extended time with either of them.

The second day, Edward mostly did paperwork, and Jake watched television in the lounge, after Edward declined to watch a movie with him. Edward had been in the perfect research mood then.

Later that night, Jake knocked on the door and stuck his head inside.

“Hey, can we talk?” Jake asked, sounding hesitant, and sad.

Edward almost ‘aww’ at him. Thinking that Jake’s injury was making him antsy and cooped up, like when he hurt his ankle all those years ago. Edward knew he was feeling cooped up right now, for one. “Come on,” Edward waves him in, standing up to head to the couch.

Jake tromps over and sits lightly on the edge. “What’s wrong?” Edward asked him quietly.

Jake gives a shrug. “I’m just … you seem bored.” Jake says quietly. Edward reaches out and grips Jake’s knee, silently encouraging him to continue. “Did you wanna go back to work early?” He asks.

Edward perks up at the idea of not going crazy in this house. “Like tomorrow?” Edward asks eagerly.

Jake shrugs, leaning over and resting his head on Edward’s shoulder. “If ya want.” Jake says into his neck.

Edward pets over his hair and smiles. “Sick of me already?” He asks, teasing.

Jake shakes his head. “Not at all.” Jake pulls away, looking energised. “If you don’t want to go, we can go out somewhere, like the park or a movie.” He suggested, smiling.

But Edward had already decided that he could most definitely schedule a surgery tomorrow, by at least noon. “Maybe you should go with Emmett?” Edward suggests instead. “He’d love to poke your wounds.” He added with a light laugh.

“Mm, maybe not.” Jake counters, frowning and looking over the papers Edward had on the desk. Edward jokingly nudged him, just a little. “So, work tomorrow or …?” Jake asks, trailing off at the end, his eyes bright.

Edward nods firmly. “Work tomorrow.” He agrees.

Getting back to work early soothes the disquieted surgeon part of Edward’s brain. It was like a switch for him; he was focused, on and ready to perform. He felt like he was slipping back into the swing of things, when his phone buzzes.

_Miss you so much. Come home on time._

It was Jake, and Edward smiles down at the text. His husband was sweeter than sugar, it was proof. He replies in the affirmative, and actually does manage to get back home at the end of his shift. Jake was waiting, and so was dinner.

“You made me food?” Edward asks him, looking at the lasagne with wonder. It didn’t even look like it was ever pre-frozen.

“Yeah, I got bored and the recipe was printed all neatly on the box.” Jake admits, but he has a little smile that seems pleased with himself. Jake’s eyes catch the plastic bag that Edward had discreetly slid behind his briefcase.

Edward followed his gaze guiltily. “You’re injured. I thought I’d get Chinese.” He mutters. Jake shrugs, and takes the bag without a fuss, putting it straight into the fridge.

They go and sit at the table, that Jake had so thoughtfully laid out. Edward thanks him again, touched at the amount of effort Jake had gone to.

“Well, I was going out of my mind here.” Jake says, shrugging again. Edward feels a stab of pity; of course Jake was also missing his work.

“Still, this is so sweet of you.” Edward soothes, and pulls his briefcase into his lap. He had meant to double-check he’d brought home everything he needed, and wanted to do that before eating. He flicked through a few of the files, scanning over the documents.

“Edward, come on.” Jake’s voice was slightly angry. Edward glanced up apologetically.

“I’m putting it away,” He says, closing it up and putting it an arm’s length from him.

But Jake didn’t seem at all appeased. “I wanna spend time with you.” Jake said, his voice, if anything, getting angrier. “Do you hear me? I want to spend time with you.” He hissed, cutting through the dish with more force than necessary.

“I can hear you.” Edward said quietly, Jake’s intense gaze making him feel put on the spot.

But Jake only shakes his head. “I don’t want to be put second-place, after your work, anymore.” He adds, all but slamming a piece of lasagne onto Edward’s plate. “I’m sick of it.” He added.

Edward draws in a deep breath. “Jake, I don’t understand.” He says carefully. “ _You_  suggested I go back a day early.” He pointed out.

But that’s the tipping point. “Because I wanted you to explicitly turn me down!” Jake shouts. “I wanted you to choose me!”

“Then you should have said something!” Edward snarls back.

“I did!” Jake shoves himself away from the table, and stalks over to the living room. He gave Edward’s briefcase a petty kick on the way, and Edward hissed as though Jake had kicked him instead. The sound seems to rile Jake more than ever. “I do it all the time, I feel like a seventeen-year-old girl.” Jake adds, his voice turns mocking and simpering; “ _I miss you, I love you, don’t go_.”

 Edward trailed after Jake in his confusion. He thought he was getting a home-cooked meal, and instead he got a lecture. “Where is this coming from?” Edward asks, feeling off-beat and bewildered.

“From everything, lately!” Jake snaps. “I’m sick of pining for you, you’re my husband, I shouldn’t feel this alone in our own house.” He throws a dismissive arm over the room, the house, the suburb and everything Edward worked so hard to give him.

Edward felt his own ire rising. “Well, my work is the reason we live in this house!” He points out.

“Yes, Edward, and we’ve been here for three years.” Jake says, hands on his hips. “Don’t you get it? You’ve proved yourself, you’re not just a legacy, or your father’s son. You’re talented, you’re a good surgeon.” He says this calmly, almost disinterestedly, as though what made Edward proud of himself wasn’t worth Jake’s attention. The derisive tone stabs painfully into Edward’s chest. “But lately, you’ve been a really shit husband.” He says.

Edward was upset, and still reeling. But he wasn’t Jake, loud gesturing and scowling. He took a deep breath and a step back. “Jacob, you are acting like a  _fourteen_ -year-old girl.” He pointed out. Edward turns away and walks up the stairs, intent on sitting for a while in his study.

Jake knew how important Edward’s job was; how demanding and stressful it was. Jake was well aware of how much Edward loved him; he wasn’t going to indulge him just because his injury was obviously aggravating him. He felt every bit of their four-year age difference, in that moment. This seemed to be the difference between twenty-eight and thirty-two.

He sits at his desk, and tries not to sigh when Jake stands right in front of it. “My arm was ripped open and you weren’t even going to drive me home.” Jake says, his voice quieter. “You barely even looked at me,” he added resentfully.

Edward feels like indignation flare again. “Because I can’t stand to see you hurt!” He snaps. “I can’t stand it, because I love you.” Edward waves a hand. “I tell you that all the time,”

“So? I can say I love you and not mean it too.” Jake’s tone was derisive.

It punches a hole in Edward’s chest, and all his anger is sucked out of him. He gasps; “I mean it, of course I mean it.”

“We’d been alone for two days, and you hadn’t even touched me.” Jake whispers, his hands clenched at his sides.

Edward opened his mouth, and closed it again. He hadn’t touched Jacob, at all. His beautiful husband was killing time, injured downstairs, and Edward had been sitting in his office, doing paperwork. Of course, it would upset Jake. Tentatively, Edward reached out, stroking his fingers along Jacob’s fist. “… I’m sorry, baby,” Edward murmurs softly, leaning over and kissing Jake’s ear gently. “Let me take you to bed.” He asks.

Their coupling is fast and frantic. Jake kisses him like he’s starving, and Edward almost sighs into his mouth. He’d missed this; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had enough energy for sex after work.

Jacob takes him fast and messy, and it doesn’t last very long. But by the end, Edward gives a cursory inspection of Jake’s stitches, and tells him to grab a plastic bag and some clingfilm from the kitchen. Edward had too severe a case of jelly-legs. He wraps up Jake’s arm and shoos him into the bathroom to wash.

Edward slips into the shower straight after Jake finishes, and scrubs himself over quickly. He was sure Jake would want to talk about their earlier words. When he walks back out, dressed and damp, Jake is already asleep.

Edward feels his heartbeat return to normal. He was relieved, because he had to get up early tomorrow, and soothing Jake over his insecurities after sex might end with Edward falling asleep on  _him_.

Edward cuddles up to him when he climbs into bed, repeatedly kissing his ear until he falls asleep. Edward’s amused that when he wakes up, Jake had shifted to the other side of the bed.

 

Edward was there when Jake got his stitches out. Petting his hand and watching as one of his interns carefully picks out the thread. Jake had insisted that one of Edward’s ‘worker bees’ do the job; and Edward liked striking the fear of god into them.

“All done, sir.” The intern nearly mutters. Edward may make a bit of a show looking over Jake’s arm, before nodding, declaring it acceptable, and sending them off to fill out the paperwork.

Jake was flexing his arm carefully, and Edward was inspecting the large puckered pink line. “Let’s go on a date, Saturday night.” Jake pipes up, looking bright-eyed.

Edward smiles and kisses his forehead. “Jake, I’m busy ….” He mutters.

“I can move my arm again.” Jake looked him straight in the eye, his mouth a thin line. “I’m taking us for a ride, to those corny night markets.” He says resolutely.

Edward thought back to their college days, for just a moment. He thought Jake was the coolest back then, roaring through campus on his hog, all leather jacket and big black boots. “… I  _have_  missed being on the back of that bike.” Edward muttered, beginning to smile.

Jake grins. “I’m coming right here to pick you up.”

Jake gives him a very stern peck on the lips before he goes to work, and Edward snaps back into focus when he leaves. He has a clotted artery and a value replacement, and he pushes all other thoughts from his mind.

But there’s a last-minute emergency that leaves Edward a little late and absolutely drained. When he finally trudges outside, Jake is leant against his cruiser, smoking.

Edward appreciates his leather jacket, and tight jeans. “You look good.” He mutters.

Jake perks up at his voice and turns around. “You look exhausted.” Jake told him cheerfully, but Edward can’t really manage a smile, which seems to sober Jake. “What happened?”

Edward waved his hand. “Lost a patient, a young man I got friendly with.” He admitted, feeling the loss particularly in his chest. “It was his time, or something.” This wasn’t the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last. But today, it weighs on Edward a little more than usual.

Jake looks him over, as though gauging something, and grasps Edward’s shoulders. “Well, then it’s my job to distract you.” He says seriously.

Edward nods, and climbs onto the back of the bike when Jake starts it up and straddles it. He feels the pull in his chest; the enamoured bookish boy he’d been when Jake first offered to let him climb on. But the pull is muted today, and he rests his forehead against Jake’s back for the ride.

 

They make it to the kitschy night markets, set up along a more popular promenade for the sake of the tourists. Jake makes a few hippie vendors uncomfortable to asking faux-cheerful questions about their dreamcatchers, and sniggers like a boy when he turns away. After the third vendor, some young woman with dreadlocks who reeked of pot, Edward ended up taking his elbow and leading Jake away.

Jake didn’t appreciate the man-handling, and when they turn the corner, he crosses his arms. “You could at least try to have fun.” He says, sounding put-out.

Edward sighs, and rubs a hand over his face. He was  _tired_ , he wanted to go home. “Jake, you honestly think I’m not trying right now?” Edward asks him, putting his hands on his hips, and for an irritating moment; he felt like a mother scolding her child. “I’m  _not_  in the mood.”

At those words, Jake drops his arms, shoving them into his pockets. He rolls his eyes and takes a step back. “When are you ever.” He mutters, but Jake didn’t pose it as a question. Edward feels his heartbeat quicken, and he narrows his eyes.

“ _What_  is that supposed to mean?”

Jake shrugged one shoulder and didn’t meet his sharp gaze. “You remember the lava cake.”

Edward throws up his hands. “Enough, already!” He snaps. “I’m so busy at work, am I supposed to remember some stupid cake!?” He shouts.

Jake looks mockingly patient. “Yeah, Edward, you’re supposed to remember your own birthday cake.”

“… Oh.” Confused, Edward counts back the days. Yes, that Friday dinner did coincide with his birthday. But he’s too furious now to admit his mistake. “Well, um, when we had pizza is what I counted as a celebration-”

“Quit lying.” Jake cuts him off, his voice steady and exasperated. “That wasn’t anything to do with your birthday. I thought you were making up for ignoring me for weeks.” He explained. “But when I told you, you were barely paying attention.”

Edward feels more and more bewildered as Jake speaks. “… Told me what?” He asks carefully.

“ _God_! That I was happy you were trying again!” Jacob snaps, his hands cutting through the air between them as he ranted, “I told you I felt like we were struggling, but you made time for me!” He points at Edward’s chest, eyes wide and scowling. “But it wasn’t true; you didn’t listen! You just went to do your fucking paperwork!”

Some people glance over to them, and Jake makes a conscious effort to step back. For the same reason that Edward doesn’t slump into the wall behind him, like he wanted to. They didn’t need someone thinking Jake was threatening him.

Edward feels more than a little lost. He remembered … ‘ _trying to make us work_ ’. Oh lord, this was more than inattentiveness, Edward had been actively ignoring it. Edward wanted to collect his thoughts, but before he could, his pager beeped. With a sinking heart, he glances down at it. The message makes his chest swell with urgency.

“I have to … it’s work.” Edward said, but Jake was glaring to the side, his arms crossed, and shoulders hunched slightly. “Jake, the transplant heart came, for the little girl.” Edward explained, and reached out to take his shoulders. “Please, I have to go ….”

Jake shrugs off his hold. “Yeah, I know,” Jake mutters, “it’s … not like I’m about to demand you stay and kill a child.” He added bitterly.

Edward feels twitchy and his stomach twists. Jake just looked … defeated, and sad. “Honey, we’ll talk when I get home, right?” He asks softly.

“I don’t know.” Jake mutters, “If you have time.”

“I’ll make time, Jake.” Edward promises, but Jake doesn’t answer, just turns and walks back to the bike.

Edward almost clings to his back on the drive back to the hospital, and his interns are already congregated outside for him. He doesn’t say ‘good-bye’ or ‘I love you’, because Jake’s expression is stony and tense. He kisses Jake’s chin and walks inside.

He had to take the helicopter an hour out to the neighbouring city, but it’s a success. They get the heart, and by four in the morning, he has a recovering six-year-old girl, sleeping as her weepy parents watch over her. Edward falls asleep in his chair in his office, and wakes up in time to do morning rounds and even shower beforehand. But today, his mind is frayed and distracted, he couldn’t stop thinking about Jake, waiting for him at home for their talk.  _If_ he was still waiting.

 

He gets home in the early afternoon, and feels acute relief that Jake’s bike was parked in the driveway. He scurries inside, and Jake is dozing in the living room. Sighing, Edward creeps into the kitchen to start making eggs. Jake always loved his scrambled eggs, but to this day has refused to touch any other type of egg Edward has cooked.

He’s in the middle of splitting the scramble into two for them, when Jake shuffled into the kitchen and gets a glass of water.

Before Edward could try and greet him, Jake asks, musingly; “Would you even miss me, if I left?”

Edward drops the frying pan onto the counter in fright. “ _Left_!?” He exclaims, feeling a jolt of panic strike him in the chest. There’s a rush of adrenaline, as he grasps both of Jake’s forearms tightly. “Jacob, please, I’m sorry, alright, I am.” He blurts out, knowing he sounds close to begging and pleading. “Please sit down. Don’t-don’t go.” He mutters. Jake seems a little startled by the outburst, and he does sit at the kitchen stool.

Jake bats away Edward’s hands, and mentions over to the abandoned eggs. Still jumpy, and slightly out-of-breath, Edward focuses on stopping his trembling hands and plating the scramble. “… I feel like I’m the only one trying, Ed.” Jake tells his back softly. “I’m sick of it, I’m so fucking _tired_  ….” Edward feels his own eyes burn when Jake’s voice hitches on the last word.

“I didn’t realise ….” Edward mutters, and even to his own ears it sounds inadequate.

Jake scoffs. “You didn’t realise?” He asks dryly. “Edward when was the last time we had sex? When was the last time we ate dinner together?” Each question opens a large hole in Edward’s chest, making him feel emptier and heavier.

He remembered; when Jake told him that he wanted to be put first again …. At the time, he felt the resolution of each argument. But now, in the face of Jake’s ire, it was obvious that he had just been falling into the same patterns, over again.

“Jacob, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Edward says, and when he turns around, he feels the gap between them is larger than the four physical steps. “Please, talk to me. I’m listening now, I promise.” He says, and, as an offering, places the eggs in front of him.

“… I want my husband back.” Jake says, his tone almost sulky. He does pick up a fork and begin to eat, though. Edward felt too tender and torn to be hungry, and sits next to him at the kitchen island.

“Jacob …” Edward begin, taking a deep breath and a sign that Jake was giving him some time to speak while he ate. “Thank you for telling me. I don’t – I never meant to hurt you, baby.” He says softly.

Jake looks, for a moment, almost amused as he glances at him. “I  _know_ , that’s not the point.” Jake tells him, his forearms framing the plate, while his elbows were tucked tightly against him. “You keep choosing work over me and expecting me to be okay with it.” He said.

“It’s not as though … I wasn’t doing it actively.” Edward said, but it was a sorry excuse. Jake keeps his eyes on his plate, and Edward presses his knuckles into Jake’s thigh, his body entirely turned towards his husband. “I kept thinking about the life I was making  _for_  us.” He explained. “That work was just the way to get there.”

“Get where?” Jake asks his food, “Edward you’re the best cardio doc they’ve got. But the life you’ve made hasn’t got any room for me.” He says.

“That’s not  _true_ ,” Edward told him, beseechingly, “it’s you I’m coming home to every day.” He insisted. Maybe it was Jake asleep, and maybe they didn’t always end up in the bed together … but it was something, right? But even in Edward’s own head it seemed inadequate.

Jake’s eyes were still fixed on his plate. “… You didn’t.” He muttered.

“What?”

“The Saturday I got my stitches out, my birthday?” Jacob prompted. Edward pursed his lips; certain now that two days ago was indeed Jacob’s birthday. “I sat in a diner, drinking coffee, until 7 in the morning, waiting for you to call me and ask where I was.” He explained.

Edward felt something that wasn’t quite bile, yet tasted extremely foul, rise to the back of his throat. “… I didn’t make it home that night.” He admitted. He hadn’t even contacted Jake to let him know. Because he thought they were  _okay._  He thought that it wasn’t even necessary to tell his husband where he’d be that night.

Jake snorted. “I figured. I figured it was your way of saying you didn’t want to fight …  _for us_ , anymore.” He admitted. “That you finally decided work  _was_  more important than me.”

Edward didn’t want to picture Jake, sitting in a booth at some greasy hole-in-the-wall all night, waiting for Edward to just reach out to him, once. And giving up on them.

He felt panic throbbing in the tips of his ears, and ends of his fingers. “Never.” He spat. “I just get … caught up in all the drama of the hospital, I never meant to leave you alone.” He said hoarsely. Edward’s mind was reeling, feeling this awful sense of finality clawing up his spine.

But Jake seemed unbothered by Edward falling apart. “Should I go home?” He asked thoughtfully, and the question throws Edward, because they  _are_  home. “Dad’s been talking to me, about how he misses the grandkids, and if I’m around, I can keep him company too.” He added.

Edward shakes his head. “No, Jake,” he replied instantly. Jake seemed to tense, turning a very cold eye on Edward. Who in turn, realized his husband wouldn’t exactly enjoy being separated from his father. “I mean … I don’t want that again.” He explained, “I don’t want space, or time apart. I know better now, I promise I know better.” Edward gripped Jake’s thigh with both hands, too nervous to try and hold the man. Or kiss him. For once, in a long time, he wasn’t actually sure he was allowed to.

“Well, I do want time apart. Edward, I’m tired of this. This big house is wasted on just me, this … I want to go back home, for a few days, maybe a week …. It’ll be good for me.”

“But you’ll come back?” Edward urged, feeling his palms grow hot and sweaty. “If you go, you’ll come back?”

Jake gives a hum, and doesn’t look him in the eye. Edward doesn’t want to plead as Jake packs a small bag. Well, he  _wants_  to, but he knows now Jake certainly wouldn’t have the patience. It’s no trouble to buy him a ticket for that day, even when Edward points out this might be moving too fast.

“This has been happening to over two years, Edward,” Jake replied, and Edward can’t manage to say anything else.

That night, Edward felt like he was putting the final nail into their coffin by driving Jake to the airport in the first place. Like he was admitting defeat; he’d been a terrible husband and now he’d be alone, and didn’t that just serve him right. But Jake wasn’t angry, or even sad. He seemed calm and observant, as though only a witness to Edward’s growing dismay. “I’ll miss you babe, I’ll call you, everyday.” Edward insisted.

“I’d like that.” Jake told him softly. Edward felt his fingers tremble with the words. Because it wasn’t necessarily affection that Jake was reaching out to him with; it was a lot of hope and a little bit of trust. One more chance.

Edward hugged him tightly at the gates, and pressed a kiss onto his ear. He stood and watched Jake walk through to the departure zone, and fought against the widening sense of dread in his stomach.

This wasn’t the end for them. Jake just needed to be the one being waited on now. And Edward could very well wait.

 

He goes to work the next day, and he enjoys the distraction. He even gets out relatively on time, for him. But at the end of the day, he comes home to an empty house, and he isn’t sure if it’s only temporary. Edward doesn’t know what he’d do if Jake left him; he doesn’t want to think about it. He can’t let himself think about it.

He calls his brother-in-law. “What?” Jasper gripes as soon as he picks up.

“Jake left for his father’s.” Edward told him, sitting on the living room couch and staring at the blank television. He didn’t think he had to say anything else to explain the situation. “Have I been ignoring you?” He asks.

“Sure,” There’s a rustling on the other end, but Jasper’s voice is calm and frank.

“Why didn’t anyone say anything?”

Jasper lists off the reasons with a mockingly casual air; “Alice hates rocking the boat, Rosalie likes having a reason to resent you, Emmett remembers Esme talking about how busy Carlisle used to be before they had you. Every time Jake called you, to ask where you were, he was always saying he missed you.”

His last sentence hits Edward the hardest. He blinks a few times, but he felt too numb to cry. “… He did say that a lot.” He manages quietly.

“It was the most pathetic catchphrase ever.” Jasper agrees. “Head outta your ass, now?”

“I don’t want to lose him.”

“Yeah, you’d be so useless. Plus we’d all take his side; he never blows us off for work.” Jasper sounds less calm and a little more mocking than before, and Edward hackles rise.

“… This is serious.” He mutters. His marriage was in jeopardy, and he needed a friend.

“Like a heart attack.” Jasper tells him, and there’s more rustling. Jasper’s voice returns slightly muffled. “Hang on, Alice is home – babe, your brother has been returned to you.”

“Edward!” Alice chirps into the phone, sounding a little breathless. “You’ve come back to us!” She cheers, and Jasper’s apathy makes sense with the obvious relief in her tone. He preferred physical solutions to any of his wife’s problems; except Jasper couldn’t beat up her brother for ignoring her.

“I’m sorry.” He told her honestly. He doesn’t trust himself to be able to repeat Jacob’s whereabouts for her without completely loosing it, though he knows he doesn’t have to. “I … I don’t know what to do.” He admits quietly.

“Marriage counselling.” Alice tells him with conviction. “You’ve let it fester a really long time. Also, Rosalie hates the earrings you sent her.” She says, and it was just like when they were in college; jumping from one subject to the next because they knew the other could keep up.

Edward rolls his eyes at the mention of her belated birthday present. He’d ordered it in a barely lucid state, from the Tiffany’s catalogue, to be mailed to her last month. It didn’t strike him as odd then that he saw nothing wrong with not seeing his own friends in person. “I’ll buy her highness a more expensive pair.” He told her, managing to at least find amusement in Rosalie’s snobbery. “I’ve missed you.” He adds, because even hearing a few words from his sister was making his heart feel a little lighter.

“Me too!” Alice agrees, “Come for dinner, now that you’re all on your lonesome.” She added, and he knew he didn’t need to tell her where Jake was. He agreed, and hung up. He was surprised with his own haste as he jumped in the shower and pulled on a change of clothes. He was so eager to see her, he was genuinely running out the door, barely remembering to lock up. He pulled into their driveway at least twenty minutes later, and the door’s thrown open before he reaches it.

“He’s back from the dead!” Emmett bellows, and the man pulls him into a fierce hug. Edward allows himself to dangle, limply. It had been a long time since he’d had a bone-crushing Emmett-embrace. He went about them like breaking in a horse; you had to let yourself go completely limp or it’d never end.

“Oh good, everyone’s here.” Edward said over Emmett’s shoulder. Rosalie was eating every second carrot stick Alice cut up, and throwing the other one into a bowl. Jasper was glancing into a boiling pot on the stove.

Edward knew this because Emmett lifted him off the ground and carried him into the kitchen. “Okay, I wasn’t actually kid-napped, Emmett, let go!” Edward yelled, and he was dutifully released.

There was a beat of silence, as Edward sized them all up. He couldn’t clearly recall the last time he’d seen them all. Rosalie’s bored gaze roams his body. “So, when’s the divorce?” She asks casually.

“Rosie!” Emmett hisses, his eyes wide as he glanced fretfully at Edward.

“I’m just saying, he’s gotta come back for a reason.” Rosalie made a point of snapping the carrot stick between her teeth. “A breaking point.” She added. Edward couldn’t tell her that she was right, so he says nothing. Silence reigns, until Emmett quickly announced he was getting anyone beers, and the kitchen was a flurry of activities as they got the cooking underway.

They were boiling asparagus and there were chicken tenders in the oven. Rosalie threw a signature blue box at Edward’s head when he wasn’t looking; and brained him with the earrings she hated so much. He only glared at her and pocketed the box to return later, ignoring her pulling up the Tiffany website on her phone and loudly describing each pair she liked.

She took Emmett aside to point out exactly what she expected of their anniversary present; and Emmett loudly informed her she was so lucky she had such a loving boyfriend. He’d get her those earrings  _and_  ski-doo lessons. Then Alice also wanted to try it, and Jasper said that when Rosalie kicked him out on their anniversary,  _again_ , for such a shit present, he’d go with Emmett to the lessons instead.

One thing none of them spoke of was a demand for an apology. It seemed they were more than content  _not_  to rag on him for ditching them for Lord knows how long. They were seated at the end of dinner when Edward mentioned it. “How come you’re all so ready to forgive me?” Edward asks them all, refusing to allow any wonder to slip into his tone.

Jasper smirks as though he’d heard it anyway, and shrugs. “We’re not your husband.” Jasper pointed out. “Plus, you also spent the first year of college blowing us off for him; you’re obsessive,” he told him, and the other three nodded solemnly. Edward didn’t appreciate being described that way; but it was true, the beginning of Jake and his relationship was a whirlwind romance. Edward remembered that feeing of adrenalin and excitement he got every time the man grinned at him. He couldn’t remember where that feeling went, or when it started fading.

Emmett claps Edward on the shoulder with a grin. “We’re used to you, Ed!” He declared, before moving to mold himself to Rosalie’s back. “We’re your family, we’ve got each other. Jake moved from Washington for you, though.” Emmett pointed out, his tone getting a little sad. “He’s by himself, and he’s just got you.” It was obvious none of them thought Edward measured up.

Alice grimaced and nodded. “We tried to help, but it wasn’t the same ….” She said carefully.

Edward felt no small flicker of determination. He may have been neglecting his personal life; but he wasn’t going to just sit here and let the love of his life slip away. “I’m gonna call him.” He told them.

Emmett threw up his hands. “Wait – how many glasses has he had?” He asked, pointing to Edward’s mostly-empty wine.

“Just that.” Alice said with a smart nod.

Emmett gave him a thumbs-up. “You call him.”

Edward left the table, thanked Rosalie in advance for clearing his plate for him, and slipped out of the back door before she could curse him out. The backyard wasn’t very large; a bespoke designer and budding author did not an out-doorsy pair make.

He dialed his husband’s mobile, and held his breath until he answered. There was a muted ruckus in the background; Edward thought he could hear Jake’s dad yelling from somewhere far-off. “Hey, Jake, how are you?” Edward asked.

“Fine, just got in, I’m sleepy.” Jacob replied, ending with a yawn. Edward felt the same pull he used to, for a seat on the back of Jake’s bike. But they weren’t in college anymore; he’d ridden multiple times. Now he felt it as a pull to be with his husband. He could almost picture Jake stretched-out on his childhood bed. Much too short for him now, if Edward could remember. Edward wanted to be there next to him, stroking his hair and watching him slowly drift to sleep.

“I don’t mean to keep you up.” Edward said, but it was a lie. Right now, all he wanted was to keep talking to him. “I miss you.” He added, and it sounded crushingly lame to his own ears.

“Oh … good.” Jake initially sounded surprised, which stung, but he ended with satisfaction. It made Edward smile, feeling his soul swamped with fondness. He didn’t need to hear Jake say ‘I miss you too’, he knew now Jake was sick to death of missing him. “I have to fix dad’s ramp tomorrow. It’s like, sideways, it’s so warped.” Jacob said conversationally, but even as he spoke, his voice got drowsier.

“I want to try counselling.” Edward blurted out, worried Jake was falling asleep before he could bring it up. “When you get back. Would you be up for it?” He asked, and while he refused to allow himself to sound desperate, he certainly felt it.

It was a long time until Jake answered. But when he did, his tone was kind. “… Yeah, I would.”

“Thank you.” Edward said. “Thank you for wanting to try for me, again. It’s a lot to ask.” He added, because he didn’t realize just how uncentred he was until he saw Jake walk through the terminal. “Um, happy anniversary, I guess.” He added. It had bothered if when he’d realized on the drive home from the airport.

Jacob laughed, his voice startled. This time, it seemed Edward had remembered before he did. “Oh, man, we’ve got a ways to go ….” Jacob chuckled, clearing his throat. “But I think we’ll get there.”

**Author's Note:**

> Angst with a hopeful ending is literally my favourite thing, because I'm a baby that requires a little bit of happy at the end.


End file.
